Well, once again, under the cover of night we boarded a plane. On this plane however, there was no in-flight movie or beverage service to be found. We did luck out and end up in a C-17. C-17s are mostly cargo planes but they have real airline seats. Everyone had at least two seats per person. I picked a row, settled with all my stuff and turned on my iPod. The flight wasn’t very long and before I knew it, we were landing at StinkySmells Air Field. Why did I pick that name? This particular airfield boasts a poo pond as one of the main tourist attractions. Yes, I did say poo pond; as in a pond of poo. The other main tourist attraction at this exciting locale is the boardwalk. It’s a large square with an actual wooden floor outside. The boardwalk has a plethora of little shops and food joints. There’s even a Friday’s restaurant. No beer, but you can get a burger for about $20 served to you at a real table. The place even has the typical TGI Friday’s décor.
So, we arrive at Stinkysmells Air Field (SAF) early in the morning. Our first sight in Afghanistan is an air terminal that’s literally falling apart. It’s an old Afghan building that appears to have seen its fair share of warfare. It’s missing chunks of wall and ceiling and there are cracks running through the entire structure. IF Kuwait sits at the doorsteps to Hell, then SAF is on the edge of the trash dump. After an inbrief and a lot of moving around, the NAVCENT team there told us we would leave that same day. Miracle of miracles!
We took our bags off the pallet and commenced loading them on a truck. We walked from the arrivals terminal down the block to the departures terminal. During that walk, it set in that we were actually in a war zone. There were people in uniforms and vehicles flying flags from countries I didn’t even recognize. Armored vehicles of all shapes and sizes lumbered down skinny roadways as people walked along the sides trying not to get hit. OH, and yes it was hot .. and sandy. I was back in Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome; all I really needed was Tina Turner to show up with big hair and a black leather outfit.
Once we got to the departure terminal, we unloaded the truck and piled our bags on the ground outside. By the time we got settled in, breakfast was being served at the DFAC. We waddled down the street like a gaggle of geese in a single line to find food. The food wasn’t bad but I just couldn’t get over the amazing sound track. While I ate breakfast, we had 80s Madonna and Michael Jackson as our soundtrack. We even saw some friends from Kuwait who got to call SAF their new home. They travelled in another group…the one that didn’t get stuck in Kuwait for 5 flights. They had already been busy at work while the rest of us were in the limbo that is Kuwait.
After eating breakfast, we wandered over to the barely air-conditioned MWR tent and sat down to watch some TV. Even though it was easily in the 80s inside, I think we all fell asleep for a nap. It had been a long, overnight trip and we were exhausted. Eventually, we woke up and headed back to the terminal. In the departure terminal at SAF, there is no inside waiting area until after you pass security and there is little shade. So, we all crammed into a 5’X5’ area and “chased the shade” as much as was possible. By late afternoon, we all smelled. Fortunately, so did the entire base so you it was hard to notice the body funk.
Eventually they called our flight and told us it was time to go through the security. Here comes my favorite part, the terminal wasn’t prepared for all our luggage and despite the fact we had just unloaded our stuff off the flightline, we now had to pass it all through security on an Xray belt to get it back on the flightline. Would it have been so bad to let us leave our stuff on the air side of the terminal and re-palletize it? Would it? This is also about the time they informed us that no carryon bags are allowed on these flights. Oh, and we had to tag every single bag. And it gets better, inside the terminal there was barely enough room to fit just us much less us, 4 seabags each and a carryon each. So, we hustled to get out bags into this shoebox of a space, get everything tagged, figure out what we could take from the carryons and shove in our pockets and then empty our pockets, take everything off and send it through an Xray machine. I will never f-in complain about any kind of airport security again. It was freaking bedlam in there but somehow we got through it.
After getting through security and re-dressing ourselves we went upstairs and finally found seats in a semi-air conditioned space. We sat some more. I think our flight was scheduled for 4pm. We were going to fly to another base first, take on some cargo and then head to Kabul. At about 3:50, we were still waiting and I knew bad news was coming soon. Sure enough, a British lady came up and said, “We have a bit of a situation.” It went downhill from there. Long story short; we weren’t getting to Kabul.
After a bit of conversation, we were told we would be manifested on a flight the next morning. Originally, the people at the terminal wanted us to grab all of our bags and take them with us. Of course, where we were supposed to take them, no one could really tell us. Finally, we got some Air Force guy to keep them on a pallet. We were able to grab the items we needed for a single night and leave the rest; one small victory in a sea of defeat. Our NAVCENT friends brought a bus for us and took us to the transient tents on base. The best part of my trip was yet to come.
We reached Camp Hood and I wanted to cry. I can laugh at most situations, but this just wasn’t one of them. Camp Hood is apparently an old British Camp on SAF. The Brits abandoned it and gave it to us…I’ll have to thank them one day for that.
Camp Hood was nothing but tents..there wasn’t a single structure in site. These tents might have actually been there since the war started. IF so, they certainly had not been maintained. Parts were flapping in the wind and the whole area had an air of desolation that was tangible. This camp had none of the amenities we had grown accustomed to. The tents had warm air flowing in them. The tolets and showers were in metal Conex boxes. There was no place to eat on the camp, no wireless internet, no phone. There was nothing except tents and I mean that quite literally. I am not exaggerating out of some twisted sense of artistic liberty. THERE WAS NOTHING.
The only good thing about Camp Hood was leaving the next morning. NAVCENT came to pick us up and we were back on our way to the terminal. Another flight awaited and if there was one place I couldn’t wait to leave; this was it. We went through security again and made it upstairs to the luxurious waiting room. Since we were there early in the morning, they had MREs available. Of course, since we were starving, we attacked them. Except these weren’t American MREs..they were from some other foreign land and had shit I never heard of and certainly didn’t want to eat. However, after some digging I did find a tortellini MRE. Once I opened it though, I found one main component lacking…freaking utensils! Whatever foreign land produced these MREs apparently doesn’t’ believe in forks..or spoons for that matter. Good thing I had a knife on me. I set about bobbing for tortellini with my knife. Man vs Wild has nothing on me…I can hunt down pasta in a savory tomato sauce and eat it fresh of a sharp blade. If that sounds easy, you try it.
Eventually, our prayers were answered and we boarded our plane. Holy shit, after 7 attempts, we were finally going to make it to Kabul! This flight was on a C-130 which meant our seats were basically cargo netting attached to the side of the plane. I didn’t care…I still don’t. C-130s aren’t terrible once you get used to them and it meant we were leaving SAF! A few short hours later, I was able to look out the porthole and see mountains capped with snow. Shortly after that, I could see real land….and eventually we were on real land and exiting the plane.
Next episode…Kabul, here I am!
No comments:
Post a Comment